| I
felt that my mind have really become stronger
than last time.
I
have never thought I did wanted to give
up during the making of this album, given
such a strong-willed person like me.
But
I immediately kicked away that negative
mindset and pressed on, in which I successfully
finished the production.
Maybe
you all think I'm a stong-willed person,
and I do, too.
Although
I'm really such a person, but there was
a time when I nearly chose to give up.
Since
I stand back up again after failures, I
am sure you guys can too.
We
may met with numerous obstacles, harm, injury
or setbacks,
I
hope nobody here feels unsettling.
This
shall not be the end, there must be a day
where the journey can continue.
I'm
not a pro-active person, okay? (laughs)
I'm
just a lucky girl whose being successul
a bit earlier.
Some
may take a longer time,
As
it may so, I still think everyone will succeed.
There
are a lot of incidents happenned in the
past, and I always thought that it doesn't
matter anymore should anything happens now.
But that's not the case.
No
matter what, I can still be singing and
talking like this, can't I?
The
year 2008 marks the 10th anniversary of
my debut.
So
I also wanted to go to places that I never
been there before,
I
really look forward to see everyone!
You
guys must wait for me!
It
is already becoming a norm for AYU to release
her new albums around the New Year, and
of course year 2008 is not excluded. It's
called "GUILTY" and it really
depends on personal interpretation about
the meanng of the title. But let's not make
it sounded so nice. The real meaning of
GUILTY stands for "AYU is AYU".
To sum that up in the place of "return
to the very beginning", it would actually
be better if we use the term "rebirth".
I
think this is a nice album. The word "nice"
does have a lot of meaning, or it is full
of thoughts. Although I tend to praise previous
albums like "MY STORY", "(miss)understood"
and "SECRET", these albums harbors
sense of accomplishments that were different
to each releasement. It does feel a bit
like times when I'm making "DUTY"
or even "LOVEPPEARS". That means
I feel like, "I'm doing these albums
fine" or "luckily I did these
albums".
In
these few years, I would just simply say
words like "I somehow did a good album
that can dedicate to everyone" and
then concludes an entire year. However this
time, I didn't feel the same serene feeling
after released my latest album anymore,
instead I feel a bit of pain until now.
Nonetheless I still regard this album as
successful. The process was smooth when
I was compiling "SECRET", that
not only it gives me confidence, and the
arrival of sudden-thoughts such as "Oh,
this album was made because of this purpose"
or "This song was written during the
time when I was hurt, but was unable to
heal it."
However
I didn't get the same feeling this time
around. There's nothing emotional about
this album, it was just finished in a breath.
But when I examined the songs' lyrics from
my album, I was astonished that they somehow
are telling a story. "How could it
be?" I asked. (Laughs)
This
kind of mood, is totally different from
the usual feelings I had when I finished
other albums. It's the same heart-pounding
sensation when I first made "Duty"....
[It is all right just by crying everything
out and throwing tantrums all around?] I
really enjoyed myself when I was in the
process of making this album, and wasn't
care about it until the result makes me
wanna take a few steps back (Laughs). I
can still feel that anxiety even right now.
Indeed,
We do experienced the way that the lifestyle
of AYU between "MY STORY" and
"SECRET". The sense of recuperation
and fellow-ship was somehow not the same.
"GUILTY", this time however, should
substitute the word "same" with
"coherence".Interpersonal struggles
and dilemmas had awakened without one's
awareness. The sensation of impulsive-rush
ravages from the heart, and that is exactly
the feeling when singing "DUTY".
I
think that is true, of course. It is truly
considered a "magnum opus" by
me. Although these years I had released
several albums that received positive feedback,
the confidence were like semi-hidden within
these albums. Higher confidence yields better
albums -- but it will make the name "AYUMI
HAMASAKI" go thinner. More people would
be saying that "AYUMI HAMASAKI"
was part of the album than mentioning that
the albums had replaced "AYUMI HAMASAKI".
However this time, the albums "GUILTY",
"DUTY" or even "LOVEppears"
had me felt that "AYUMI HAMASAKI"
had replaced them all. Perhaps such thoughts
were originated from some of my personal
worries, however I'm very sure that these
albums can help me share some of them.
it's
a bit of surprise when we hear the long-lost
word "worry" from between AYU's
lips.
Certainly,
I wanted to let everyone hear me say this,
but then I had doubts on that... "Everyone
should be able to know how I feel after
I say such a thing, which it never backfires."
I am pretty sure on that. Overall, It may
seemed dark, but I had never say things
like, "Everybody please bring on your
courages and hopes and live on bravely."
Maybe the darkness feeling was caused by
my insecureness.
Ayu
seems to also have sensed the major differences
of this album from the others. We had felt
something has been created in an inspiring
way. For AYU who is going to be celebrating
her 10-year-old career in 2008, What kind
of an existance of the album "GUILTY"
is to you?
You
can say that it is a miracle. There's virtually
no inspiration at all at the time of composing
this album from the start. Frankly speaking,
I really didn't have much energy to create
a new album in the year 2007. There is no
meaning at all if I force myself to squeeze
out something even if I can't do that. I
was thinking that it is better off doing
the album in a laid-back attitude, because
it would make everyone unhappy, and do no
good to myself should I bulldoze it, it's
true.
But
one day I suddenly took up a pen and started
to write song lyrics. It was said that I
wanted to write but actually I HAD TO WRITE
IT no matter what. I was like, "I still
can't stop singing and writing lyrics."
And five songs were born becaue of that
in the very same day.
It
might be some sort of a sign to me, that
perhaps wanting me to produce this album
no matter what. But, there were a lot of
thoughts like, "Maybe it doesn't work",
and caused the whole producing process to
pause.
I
am usually not a person that gives up easily.
but I really did had the phrase , "Oh
well, these problems does exist!" ,
"Just accept whoever I am, will ya
guys?", and I just basically surrendered
to the crew. And I hate myself being like
this.
At
the end, I somehow felt, "gotta finish
it up", and I withdrew all my previous
negative thoughts the very next day (laughs).
I got stronger from that day onwards, and
fulfilled all my planned scheduled which
was nearly impossible to accomplish.
I
finally understood that giving up is really
the worst I could ever done, and from then
on, I always think like this, "I shall
never give up".
GUILTY,
about the meaning of this title given to
this album, meant the abbreviation of "A
TITLE given by one's ownself, as it refers
to one's current state or way of living".
But are there anyone who is really "clean"
in this world? Maybe they hurt someone even
thought the hadn't done it on purpose, for
example, lying and other minor offenses
which can be found on everyone by right...
I
have carefully done alot of soul searching
regarding the issue of "feeling guilty,
but still life has to go on" whenever
I was composing or performing. No matter
how people feel sinful, since we are alive
and kicking, then we should continue living
on the best we could whether we are sad
or happy.
Those
who had listened to "SECRET" will
perhaps perceive that the album somehow
acts like a movie that infinitely repeats
itself no matter played from which track.
And "GUILTY" is like a trilogy
that spans from the first track to the last,
which no tracks whould be left out in order
to preserve its completeness. Then it feels
like, "Even if it's like this I still
have to...". Maybe this is exactly
the "Life must go on" perspective
brought up by AYU.
If
there's anything special about this album,
then maybe it's about I cried when I first
listened to GUILTY. Basically I do not listen
to my own songs. I always calm down whenever
I finished recording, and judge my songs
as a third party, or thinking about some
parts of the song such as "This part
of this song maybe wasn't that easy to sing".
This time it isn't both of these perception,
because I couldn't stop crying during the
song and I would always do something else
in the middle of the song (laughs). But
if I listen to it again I would think, "it's
great to be alive", definately.
*Posted with permission of
and translated by Isaac Hiew.
*Translated from Cawaii! March 2008 International
Chinese edition, Page 15, 18
*17/March/2008
|
USA 
GLOBAL
Sotsugyou syashin
